Chuck Norris Gives the “Thumbs Down” to NIT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How starved for actual sports are we as a culture when the Men’s N.I.T. is featured on ESPN2 during prime time?  The junior varsity of college basketball tourneys, in which the Madison Square Garden has trouble filling the lower level, is not worthy of our time or viewership.  So what are the alternatives, one might ask? As the women’s tournament is played on the main ESPN, we have professional hockey available, the Major League Baseball season is in its infancy, and the NBA, for what it’s worth is still playing meaningful games. 

But the main thing I want to see on television is something that was only joked about within the movie “Dodgeball.”  What I’m talking about is “The Ocho” and its dedication to covering odd contests from around the globe.  Would it not be great to watch an actual dodgeball game?  Even if it was as fixed as the WWE (sorry Jason Powell, check his site out anyway) it would still be more interesting and fulfilling to watch than teams 66-97 play college basketball for a meaningless trophy.  “Obscure Sports Quarterly” shouldn’t be a fictitious fad for the Average Joe’s, it should give us some insight into sports that ESPN used to play, back when they were really concentrating on being a network dedicated to physical contests.  What would I rather see on TV?

·         Obviously, a highly competitive dodgeball league

·         National Lacrosse League (Jenna) (GO SWARM!)

·         Indoor soccer

·         Professional juggling competitions

·         Curling (it’s popular during the Olympics!)

·         Crotchety seniors playing shuffleboard

·         Cornhole!  The greatest of lawn games!

·         Any other competition that focused on both personality and speed of play

 

I mention personality and speed of play, because the American public has less and less time to sit and watch sports during the week, and the ability to fit an entire game into 60 to 90 minutes is ideal.  For these non-major sports to become popular, they need to focus on personality.  Much as we saw such teams as the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, the Lumberjacks, and the Hasselhoff-crazed German National Team, the Dodgeball movie was entertaining because of the outlandish styles the teams brought to the game.  Bringing this kind of robust and zang-filled flavor to any sport would make them irresistible to viewers like you.  Think how much better Arena Football would be if instead of the Dallas Desperados and the Colorado Crush, we got to see an amateur team representing Oscar Mayer playing against a team of hemp-wearing PETA people?

 

Watching a bad college basketball team beat a team that is somehow worse, is not sporting entertainment!  Who pays for advertising during the N.I.T. telecasts?  I see that MasterCard sponsers the event, but it should be something of a much lower rank, such as the Turbo Grafix Tattoos N.I.T., or the Law Offices of Bunk, Foogelsanger, Wordsworth and Horgandoner’s N.I.T.  I think we need to boycott national companies that are that backward in their thinking, to actually pay for ad time during the JV bracket.

I gotta bolt, I think there’s a minor league mahjong tournament on the Ocho!

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• The NHL Playoffs = As Good As it Gets
• DeAndre Jordan, Kevin Love, and the Eric Weddle Corollary
• UFSLeague: Headlines! I
• Selection Sunday – Select UFSLeague!